


beautiful

by jimlecavich1



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec is inseecure bout his body, Fluff, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Smut, Supportive Magnus Bane, you gonna have to pry this ship out of my cold dead hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 10:06:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15386427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jimlecavich1/pseuds/jimlecavich1
Summary: Being sexual with Magnus makes Alec reflect on the way he looks.orAlec gets insecure about his body.





	beautiful

“To lose confidence in one’s body is to  
lose confidence in oneself.”   
-Simone de Beauvoir

 

 

Alec never really paid attention to it. He thought about it of course, contrary to society's belief men do care about their appearance. When he was going through puberty his body was growing lengthwise, so his weight didn’t really bother him. It wasn’t really noticeable because he slimmed out. When he grew older he trained and gained muscle. 

Although he was told that people who are ‘toned’ are skinny and have a nice body he didn’t see that in himself. He still saw the rolls and the love handles. He allowed himself to ignore his body. He repressed the way he felt about himself and his body. He was doing a great job trying to repress his feelings until he and Magnus started to get sexual. 

Magnus bit down on his bottom lip causing him to let out a stuttered moan Magnus and him were on their knees, resting on the couch. He grabbed Magnus’ shoulders pulling him into him. The front of Magnus’ pants rubbed against his and he dug his nail into Magnus’ lower back. Alec started kissing Magnus’ jawline, leaving small red marks. Magnus’ fingers found their way under Alec’s shirt, rubbing small shapes on the skin.

Alec went rigid when he felt Magnus touch him. Sensing Alec’s discomfort Magnus pulled back. Alec was still wrapped around him with his hands on his back. “Are you ok?” Magnus said tightening his eyebrows. Alec looked down mumbling, “I'm fine.” Magnus looked at him clearly not believing him.

He knew that Alec was a virgin, and was nervous about doing anything. “Alec, you kissing me doesn’t mean we have to have sex. We can do it when you want or we don’t ever have to do it,” Magnus said putting his hand on Alec’s neck. Alec smiled genuinely giving Magnus’ a slow peck, “Magnus, thank you for being patient.” Magnus smiled at Alec, rubbing his cheek. 

Their moment was interrupted by Alec’s phone going off, with an alert from the institute. Alec said his goodbyes and left, feeling awful. He didn’t understand why he pulled away, it wasn’t like Magnus hasn’t seen him shirtless before. When Magnus walked in on him while training he didn’t feel insecure. Why did he feel that way now?

The way Magnus was making him feel was amazing. The way he was touching him was very hot and he got chills thinking about it. But the feeling he got second to the touches and the love was the insecurity. He knew Magnus would never say anything bad about his body but he also knew Magnus would fabricate the truth. The truth is he wasn’t the fittest. To him, his body used to be a robot, which would follow every rule from the clave. 

Now that he has someone else touching his body, that leaves it open to criticism. When he entered the institute he realized the problem had been resolved, he walked to his room avoiding eye contact with passing shadowhunters. When he entered his room he sat on the bed looking down. 

He had a small mirror in his room that allowed him to see a small amount of his body. He stood up lifting up his shirt, staring at his toned stomach that is mix-matched with his small love handles. His eyes started to tear up and his mind filled with unreasonable insecurities. He knew that Magnus would love him no matter what but he still felt that his body was ugly. He wanted to tell Magnus about this, he has been so sheltered with his feelings. He needed to be open about something like this. 

Alec went into his office and made sure that he didn’t have anything to do before he left. He didn’t text Magnus before he left, he knew that he wouldn’t mind him showing up out of the blue. For Alec, Magnus was the only one that he could show his emotions too. He felt tears bubble up at the thought that Magnus would reject him. 

He knocked on the door and waited while a few tears fell. “Alexander...are you ok?” Alec looked at Magnus and put his hand over his face letting the held in tears fall. Magnus grabbed him by the back of the neck and led him into his arms. Alec let the sobs come out and clung onto Magnus.

Magnus let him cry whispering reassuring words into his ear. “Magnus I do want you but it's just...i'm just,” Alec was cut off by a sob. Magnus held onto him as he was led to the couch. “Magnus I'm just so insecure, and I feel like if you don't like my body or the way I look then you won't want me too.” 

Magnus looked at him confused wondering why anyone wouldn’t want him. Magnus looked at his face as he cried and kissed his forehead. “Alexander you have no idea how I feel about you. I don't know all of your insecurities but I know that one should not be the way you look. You are gorgeous,” Magnus said in a whisper kissing his head.


End file.
